Adelram



Edited:


Alderam was an outcast to begin with, his lizard eyes and pointy ears attracted a lot of unwanted attention, hatred, and bad fortune. Since he was a toddler, his parents abused him, starved him and told him he was a freak of nature, and no one will ever love him. He then, started going to the village's school, to only get teased and ridiculed by students and teachers alike. The last thing that he decided to put up with, was a student who put a sticky, purple lollipop in his hair and twirled it. He ran for days, going deeper and deeper into the forest that was off-limits to anyone who wasn't a hunter for the village. Of course, there was a reason for that, as an evil witch who lived in a candy house dwelled within the forest. He found her house, too tired to continue, he fell asleep in her front yard. The witch looked at the boy, saw that he had candy, and was fuming until she realized it wasn't her candy, she waited until he woke up. As he woke up, he told her of his woes and asked to stay and work for her. she accepted, knowing that it wouldn't be hard to sway him to turn evil. She didn't change his view on the world, however, fuel his hatred for it, and as he turned 18, she released him into the world telling him to exact revenge upon the world, and that he did.

Some say that the weapon shaped like a lollipop that he carries, is modeled after the much smaller one that was put in his hair so many years ago.

Demonic Overlord
Zenith
^{Demonic Sociopath also works}

Backstory/personality/powers
At one point in time, Zenith used to be an angel, he's since destroyed that version of himself and became a self-proclaimed demon. He already has twice the personality of one too. Zenith was the one who locked away the protag, Bron. Zenith's name means "the time at which something is most powerful", which is true to his character. He is one of the strongest demons, with the ability to control the senses of whomever he pleases, as long as he maintains eye contact when casting the spell. When he heard that Bron had broken free, Zenith was delighted; all those years of tormenting Bron would surely make Bron a powerful enemy, and perhaps an even stronger ally.
Zenith and Bron are polar opposites, in both personality and color scheme, Bron is kind and caring while Zenith is sadistic and heartless. Zenith is the exact definition of a sociopath, he lacks empathy and remorse, and he manipulates others to get what he wants. He has no reason to be evil but he is because 'no one can stop him'. His words, not mine. Zenith's overconfidence is his downfall however because he straight up tells Bron how to defeat him.

Critique Edit

I wanted to keep the purple color scheme since purple is the complimentary color of yellow (the hero color) and they're polar opposites. I see how the hair looked clustered so I changed it but I didn't want to take away from the design too much. I also lightened the wings, cape and horns, and made them more pink-ish.
I'm gonna start adding this critique sentence thingy at the bottom explaining what parts of the critique I used and why, because I like writing.

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Critique for PoeticThoughts
This is a really unique story, a little bit of sad backstory combined with the witch from Hansel and Gretel. I love this so much! The lollipop weapon is just amazing. Just imagine seeing a lizard-eyed pointy-eared creep coming up to you, holding a giant lollipop. It ridiculous and terrifying at the same time. Is the weapon edible? I need to know!

Second, the design is amazing I love the wings and the outfit so much! I love everything! There really isn't anything to improve on in my opinion. Your designs are amazing honestly. I really had to experiment with the colors and switching stuff in and out. There were some stuff I thought was ok but it took away from the backstory and the character. I finally settled on the eyes, I made them a slightly more purple color to match the purple in the shirt and wings.
I had to make the images bigger so you could actually see the difference

This was a long post

The lollipop (the part that you lick) IS the weapon, it's UBER sharp, if you're brave enough to not cut your toung in half on the edge, sure!

I wanted to take a moment and speak to each of you individually so to speak. So please read what I have to say to you more directly next to your name below. I will have an "Entries Thus Far" post up tomorrow!!


@P...A victim of excessive bullying and heartache. It is something that is all too real, and we can all in a way relate to in some way. You truly can sympathize with your villain to a great degree. It was really well written and thought out. I even like the touch where you had him manipulated by the witch. It is logical, because when you are upset you aren't thinking clearly at all. Very well done.

@Spirit...First off you didn't need to put that you made your story shorter for reasons. There is nothing wrong with a good cliff hanger, and leaving your readers wanting to know more. But it is nice to see the otherside of the coin so to speak from Bron's story. It is obvious this Zenith is sadist to the an extreme. He enjoys and finds gratification in playing cat and mouse with Bron. In torturing him. Not to mention he is completely full of himself. Very well done with the back story there.

As for your response to your critiquer, I enjoyed your reasoning behind the desire to keep some of the things true to the nature of the story as a whole. However, where your critique is to Poetic...No need to worry here and even need redo it. It is great as is. I just wanted to remind you of something about your critique. You made mention of the eyes. Which was a great idea of lightening them up a bit. But your reference picture is missing the swirls on the skin as P's original design had. Was that intentional to not include those? If so, why not mention that difference in the critique? Just figured to ask that. Otherwise brilliant all around.

@Limor..I like the story behind your design. Admittingly I can see room for explanation in it, as it had a bit of a rough ending. Your story seemed to follow up until the end and then it just...I am not sure stop is the right word. It just seems a bit rough and or rushed is all I can say. I did like it however though.

And as for your critique it seems a bit rough as well and repetitive. Much like your story, your critique seems rushed and not an a characteristic move of yours. Especially your third sentence.

Not you just need to incorporate the helpful suggestions from your critiquer, and present your altered design next to your original design. After that, your design post is complete.

@Sai...Let me begin by stating that you forgot to PING me in your design post, which makes me wonder if you PINGed Limor either. Remember that is a necessity so we can make sure to stay on top of things for ourselves, and are made aware that you have an submission. Now in regards to your background story of "The Princess Of The Witches", your story was nice. However it did seem a bit repetitive in a number of areas especially when it talked about the spells and potions she learnt. There were also a lot of unnecessary punctuation going on thorough out, causing the story to seem a bit choppy. Over all it could have flowed a bit better then it did. I mean not to upset, it just seemed like it could have. You don't have to change it now.

As for your critique on Limor's piece. It was very helpful, and pleasantly written. However, you didn't specify what worked well. Your positive feedback for Limor was lacking a bit more, much unlike your helpful suggestion about the mix match coloration from Limor's design to try and even it out. Otherwise, very well done.

Now we just need to wait for another designer to critique your piece with in their design post. Once that happens you can complete your design post with your altered piece. We just need to wait for that to happen unfortunately. If they do not by deadline, even though there is plenty of time for them to do so, yours will be viewed as eligible. A lack of a critiquer will not be held against you. So please please keep and eye out to see if you have one each day and get that tended to ASAP.

Fixed the critique, forgot to re-add the swirls, oops.

I did ping limor..
I usually click ping for the person I'm critiquing, to see their design. It's just I forgot to type your username this time. Sorry.

I'll go change my critique a bit, I guess

ENTRIES THUS FAR - Post 1
"Supervillain" Challenge

Below you will find out eligible design posts thus far. These individuals have met all the requirements necessary for this challenge and are eligible for placement. If you don't see yours here, please review your design post to make sure all requirements are met. If they are not, by all means make sure to finish them before deadline is due. Do not make your fellow designers wait on you for your critique. It isn't fair to them to make them weight until the last minute before deadline. If you feel you have completed everything and still don't see your post here, then PING me a heads up and I will re-review it for you. I wish you all luck, and let's get down with the villainy!!

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P's Designs:

(Adelram)
Original Design:

Altered Designs:


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Spirit's Designs:

(Demonic Overlord: Zenith)
Original Design:

Altered Design:


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Limor's Designs:

(Baby)
Original Designs:

Altered Designs:


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Koterfaye's Designs:

(Brianna, Dragon Tamer)
Original Designs:

Altered Designs:


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Art's Designs:

(nyvelia, dark dream)
Original Designs:

Altered Designs:


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Sai's Designs:

(Princess of the Witches, The Witch of War)
Original Designs:

Altered Designs:


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Sunny's Designs:

(King Aasaugur)
Original Designs:

All right folks, I have completed my updates thus far. I wish you all the best this week for this challenge. I know there is still about 5 of you that need to complete your designs and turn them in before deadline. That is over half of you. Remember not to wait too long to be fair to the rest of your designers waiting on you.