Of course, welcome Art! Would you like a discord link?

of course, would you like a discord link?

of course welcome Tom, would you like a discord link?

yeah, sure ^^

Hi.. I'd like to join please... also I can't use discord because of my school account.

No thank you ^^

welcome!

^{figured i should get this off my chest and do a bit of sharing :3}

Link: https://www.sylestia.com/forums/?thread=80981&page=1#2 Author: Articu Time Posted: 9/17/2019 at 1:56 PM my life in a nutshell (i consider this NSFW. read at your own risk.) (this is really just me pouring out feelings here) (just a warning, do NOT read if you are sensitive to the topic of self-harm or suicidal thoughts. don't say you weren't warned.) so i got scars on my wrist. not even just my wrist, really. up and down, covering the underside of my left forearm. i don't need to say how they got there, because it can be inferred that i put them there. and the last thing i want is peoples' pity. they see my arm, they feel bad for me. but.... that's it. just pity. no one trying to help me. no one asking if i'm okay. and it feels like no one really cares if i'm okay. a lot of the time, i don't think anyone notices the scabs or scars. and if they do notice them, they seem disgusted and/or want nothing to do with the teenage girl who hurts herself, because there is something severely wrong with her. maybe there is something severely wrong with me. there probably is, considering i've been emotionally numb for the past 8 years (i'm 16 at the time of writing this, and no i'm not some edge-lord, thank you very much). when my parents got divorced, it tore me apart. i didn't (and still really don't) know who or what is safe to trust. i got bullied all my life at school (still get bullied in high school, what a surprise), and it broke down my self-confidence, self-esteem, and it dulled me down. it hurt the way i see myself, the way i love myself. it makes it so i can't love myself. my boyfriend of 8 months (it was a very close, loving, open, healthy relationship that i would give anything to have back) just dumped me on sunday the 20th and had a new girlfriend by monday the 21st. talk about s****y feelings about yourself, huh. that breakup really pushed me farther down the hole. cause it only showed me that i could be replaced so easily, no one cares about my feelings or how things affect me, and that i must somehow ruin every good thing i have. and let me get this clear right here, right now: i do not want pity. ever. at all. i know i got problems, but your "oh honey i feel bad for you, i hope things get better" is the last thing that would make me feel better. that makes me feel a million times worse, if anything. people give their pity but not their help, and it makes me want to scream so bad. "i have problems and i want someone to help me with them! i'm tired of feeling like i have to hurt myself in order to feel anything other than sadness! i'm tired of being depressed and hating myself! all i want is for somebody to love me and hold me and be there for me and help me get better!" those are just surface level screams. dig a little deeper in my head and you'd hear: "all i want is to be cared about." deeper down: "why won't anyone help me?" further on: "why won't anyone love me?" and there at the very bottom, buried under every other depresso espresso thought: "why am i even here?" yeah, i know, i have people and things to live for. i never go through with the life-ending thoughts because i couldn't do that to my friends and my family. what's even worse is the fact that i feel like even if i did, no one would notice i'm gone. no one notices i'm there in the first place, to be honest. that's what i am: a ghost. a depressed anxiety-filled misophonic ghost that gets so stressed and nervous and down she ends up having heart palpitations and asthma attacks. well, there's my life, and idk what to do with myself now that i wrote this :/