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TheWildOne
Level 62
Majestic Green Thumb
Joined: 6/5/2019
Threads: 70
Posts: 1,662
Posted: 1/31/2020 at 1:13 AM
Post #1561
Yeah it is mainly 2 or 3 people I think and most the others follow. A few I think are like torn between. Some of them give my coach attitude as well and he tells them off a lot. I worked up the courage to talk to him about it finally. O_O A huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Limor
Level 72
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 7/5/2016
Threads: 293
Posts: 19,132
Posted: 1/31/2020 at 7:03 PM
Post #1562
sure, discord group?
TheWildOne
Level 62
Majestic Green Thumb
Joined: 6/5/2019
Threads: 70
Posts: 1,662
Posted: 1/31/2020 at 7:14 PM
Post #1563
um if discord is the non mentor group then yes :)
Limor
Level 72
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 7/5/2016
Threads: 293
Posts: 19,132
Posted: 1/31/2020 at 7:59 PM
Post #1564
just checking therapits ping list, hasnt been updated in a minute
I mean, I need my resume to look good.... And being in chamber pot orchestra will help.... But I probably can't get into chamber pot orchestra without lessons so it makes sense in a weird way, but starting from zero honestly sucks. I was honestly pretty good at piano, even if I didn't love it or refuse to accept it, but it was something (maybe the only thing) I was good at and I guess I used it as a crutch. Well, now my crutch is gone and I get to faceplant or whatever metaphor you like. And what good does college do when you have no idea where you're even going in life? I know this is like a "first-world problem", like c'mon Lark you could be married off and having kids at this age, you should be grateful you can have a future, go to college, in any field you choose. But sometimes I think life would be a lot simpler if I was a Mongolian nomad. I mean, not that I really want to be a Mongolian nomad that badly, but... you get the idea. Computer science is cool I guess but not my thing. No, Mother, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. And suggesting all the different types of doctors I can be instead if I don't want to be around sick people isn't really helping. I don't want anything to do with the medical field. Actually scratch that, being a paramedic or whatever would be sweet, but they don't really approve of that idea, and I don't know much about it. Once I said something about being volunteering for the Red Cross or something and they looked horrified. Reply was something about me only wanting to follow my friends, since my best friend wants to work in the medical field (epidemiology or something). I was embarrassed and gave it up, even though they were wrong I didn't want to push it.
Journalist eh, I like the traveling part and I do like writing, but just not that type of writing.
I sound like Newt Scamander, I don't wanna work in an office xD
I just wish there was something I was passionate about. Writing, maybe, but that's more of a side job I guess... I love birds but not enough to go into ornithology so looks like I'm stuck with computer science like my brother. Yay, one more thing I have to live up to. Pfft
Oh, and speaking of that, why do I have to live up to every single amazing standard my brother sets? You say I don't have to, but you still compare me to him like I'm a failure or something. "Your brother doesn't whine when we ask him to do something even if he hates it" and yadda yadda. What are you going to do next, blame it on the fact that he was born with perfect pitch and I wasn't? Why can't you freaking accept that we are two different people? And that just because I give in to everything, he should be the same way and not talk back to you or whatever? Oh and apparently if I put the blame on someone else for a mistake that was actually their fault, that's called making excuses and I should own up, but if you blame my father, who is currently working three hours away and has been since Monday, for doing something only you could have done and I call you out on it, now I'm "trying to blame you for everything"? And if you go to Malaysia to get away from your ungrateful children, I honestly will be a little less stressed. Can you please stop trash-talking my brother behind my back. Thanks.
Mom: Ugh your brother is such a terrible child, what did I do wrong, why can't he do anything we want him to do?
Me: He got into Stanford...
Mom: So?
Me: That's kind of a big deal...
Mom: No it isn't. Stop talking nonsense. No wonder you don't have any friends.
Me: -_-
This is going to sound really whiny and stupid, but you can slap me for being self-absorbed afterwards.
I'm so underrated. Wait, that sounded like I'm really full of myself. I swear I'm not, or at least I don't think I am. I don't want to be in the spotlight *shudders*, never wanted to be, but I don't want to be treated like a random chair. Mildly intriguing, because there shouldn't be a chair in the middle of the blacktop, but nothing of much interest. I waved at someone and called their name, they said hi, came over, promptly forgot my existence, and started talking animatedly to my best friend instead about something or other. It's really stupid, but sometimes I wonder if I just fade from perception at times. I try, I really do. I talk to people, I say hi to people in the hallways, I stop hiding behind people and attempt to be outgoing. And I do make acquaintances, people who I'm close enough to so that it won't be weird if I talk to them out of the blue in a class, but never close enough. Also, same best friend above kind of ditched me, it's a really weird painful situation, if I ranted about it right now it would take up the entire post *sigh*
If he's coming to you, he thinks he can be helped by you
That's something
Professional help will do nothing if he doesn't want to listen to them
You can do something if he thinks you can
Mei geren dou bushi pigu ma? Ni shige haoren. Xiangxin wo. Nin keyi zuo dian shenme. Ruguo meiyou, ni keyi da wo yi bazhang.
If you put that into Google translate, it kind of dies. But I can say it out loud fine.
I don't know what else to say
Sorry. I forgot to ping.
Vaingel
Level 72
Warden of Umbra
Joined: 5/17/2018
Threads: 38
Posts: 1,514
Posted: 2/12/2020 at 7:42 PM
Post #1568
...I mean, I know people who make good $$$ as freelance writers. No office, your hours, stay in bed all day if ya want, good stuff
beh, who knows when it'll hit you, what you want to be. came pretty late for me, may be late for you, may even be never. Doesn't matter. Even if you have a job just to get by, there re other things you can do to fill the void
What is up with your mom?! Seriously, there's somethin' fishy here... my sister's friend's chinese mother is SUPER controlling of his life, took the browser off his phone to keep him from bad things on the internet (BEFORE he even looked anything up), won't let him go anywhere, makes him go to church every sunday (not saying church is bad, but he doesn't wanna go), AND... kicked his brother out of the house at 16 for not being what she wanted him to be. Answer: communism. You'll be out of there before you know it, out of that house, able to be whatever you want to be. Once you hit a certain age, parents are really just a way to get free food while you plan the perfect escape from the nest.
b r u h yer bro in where now
br bleepin uv
Don't hold yourself to his standard, tho. Unless he happy. Then try to meet his happiness someday. But if he not really happy, the life he livin's not worth it (oh geez my grammar...)
It's okay to feel that way. Being short, I got overlooked a lot. then I got... well, I'm a bit more confrontational than I used to be *cough*... try that? If you're willing to. Less niceties for the attention you deserve. We all deserve some attention, and if your not getting yours, it's okay to want it, even fight for it if you have to. ...well, maybe not physically, but you know....
yer best friend WHAT
I'm sending Snake in on a mission
Personal vendeta stuff, you don't need to know
Best friends don't do that
Not real ones
That's just messed up
If you need someone to talk to, take up a post here or shoot me a PM you're allowed to talk about it
Then why does he fight me
Everything I try to do, he argues back
It's not the professionals he's not listening to
It's anyone
He's dead-set on seeing himself as a terrible person
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,999
Posted: 2/12/2020 at 9:19 PM
Post #1569
*shrugs* I used to think it was a normal thing
My other Chinese friends: Your mom slaps you??!!
Oh. Guess not.
He's happy aight
But comp sci's not my thing
I mean, I like it, but not in the way he does
I went outside to say something to someone and instead of alliteration I almost said communism
Lol
I don't even knowwww
It's not like that
It's really weird
Like she's just moved on and is trying to let me down easy like the person she is, but a straightforward confession, even if it was a verbal slap, would have hurt less
She's not a bad person or a bad friend
She wouldn't try to hurt anyone if she could help it and she's just amazing and sweet and modest and such
Maybe that's why it sucks, I can't be upset with her because she's not doing anything that would warrant me actually being angry, and it's all of my selfish self-absorbed fault that I'm feeling like this and can't just be happy that she's being with people that are better for her
Pfft I'm getting ahead of myself
Somewhere in the middle of the year, she started hanging out with this kid whom I shall call TB tuberculosis sometimes, normally I wouldn't care if she was hanging out with other of our friend-acquaintances, like I'm not going to stop you from hanging out with someone you want to obviously, why would I do that? But for some reason something about her hanging out with TB made me uncomfortable, like I felt like every time she went over to talk to TB, I was sort of left behind, and she always seemed, I dunno, sort of happier around TB, but I didn't say anything of course, it was a horrible enough notion for me to even be having doubts about it. She wouldn't do that if our places were switched, so I shouldn't. What business of mine was it if she was branching out anyways? We'd always talked about how we needed to make more friends, it was always just the two of us and I knew that wasn't a great thing as close as we were.
The person I am talking about and I have been best friends for five years. And everyone knew it, if either of us were somewhere without the other, people would always ask where they were. Every group project, everyone knew we would be in the same group. PE partners, it was always us. We both knew we should probably make some other really good friends, and since last year we'd been trying by talking to other people more, but we always ended up talking to each other instead.
Anyways. So I wasn't going to say anything about TB, but she kept hanging out more and more with her, and every time I tried to join their conversation, I was collectively shut out. Maybe that was what felt so wrong, with every other person, I could always hop into the discussion comfortably if she was there, to, like, listen to me, but with TB it always felt like they were discussing secrets and inside jokes, when I said something, they always nodded and continued as if I weren't there, and I felt like I was intruding or something so eventually I started just leaving every time TB came over.
See, this isn't the only time I've ever felt like this. With almost every other person I've tried to be in a conversation with, I always end up like that, feeling sort of invisible and forgotten as I repeatedly awkwardly interject and end up being basically ignored anyways. Which, for some stupid reason, it is so. Freaking. Difficult. For me to make any other friends.
She's never treated me like that, though. I've always felt like a person when I talk to her. she doesn't have that problem, what with her being all cheerful and optimistic and all. I always wondered why she stuck with me, the pessimistic deadpan one. Maybe I shouldn't have wondered. Because lo and behold, she's slowly ending up like everyone else. I wish there was a scientific explanation for this. I wish could employ it whenever my mom is in a bad mood so that she forgets I'm there and doesn't take it out on me.
I digress.
After she started talking to TB so frequently, she started saying hi to random people she knew in the hallways. Cool. She's been doing that before. They say hi back. I wave energetically. They ignore me. Nothing new. Then I waved at someone I considered a friend, (they barely knew her other than seeing me talking to them after math or whatever, which she actually confirmed arter I asked). She waved as well after I did. They came over and faced her, and began complaining about their stand partner. And guess who was standing there awkwardly.
Nobody noticed when I just walked away.
Maybe I should have given it another chance, but I just gave up at this point. It had happened before more than I cared to count, but it was the same. Person comes over, she says hi, I say hi, they talk to her, I say stuff to no avail, etc. Maybe it's all in my head. Last week I asked her if she noticed, and she said yes. Maybe it's not in my head. Maybe the universe hates me. Maybe I'm as boring and immature as my mom says, and that's why.
So there's this girl who is a family friend of mine, let's call her EL. She and another family friend, let's call her JK, and I, used to be super close. JK is really awesome. EL is really popular and I can't blame her, she's super charismatic and such. But she sort of has an attitude where she picks certain people she likes and they can be in her cool group, everyone else she's nice to, but sort of ignores.
JK is in her cool group. I'm not. During family friend parties and such, they're always running off together, and EL invited JK to sit at her table. Not me, which admittedly hurt because I thought we were a trio. But whatever.
By this point, she'd been hanging out with different people more and more and I'd been just... there. She'd been talking to other people and rarely just being with me like she used to. Which there was nothing wrong with, but I got the feeling she was purposely avoiding just talking to me alone.
A conversation two weeks ago with the best friend in question went like this. Actually, I condensed a bunch of conversations we had into this.
Me: If you want to drop me, you can just say so. No point dragging it out.
Her: You're taking this the wrong way. I just want to hang out with my other friends.
Friends that I'd been trying to be friends with as well, but as usual they were paying more attention to her and everyone else than me trying to be in the conversation. Whatever.
Me: Oh. Okay. Just... try to include me more? I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonable. It's just been different.
Her: Oh, well, you see I've changed a lot over the break and I'm trying to hang out more with my other friends.
Me: Oh.
Her: I mean... I hang out with you all the time.... And I'm sure you get tired of me sometimes, too... And I should get out and make new friends as well...
Me (mumbling): I thought we were in this whole making friends thing together. And you know I've always needed you more than you needed me.
Her: What?
Me: Nothing.
Her: I'm going to sit at EL's table. She's been wanting me to hang out with her for awhile.
Me: Oh. Okay.
Her: I'll alternate between you and her.
Me: You mean I'm not coming?
Her: I need to spend more time with my other friends, so...
Me: Cool. So you're going to come sit with me some days, too, right?
Her: ... Yeah.
A few days later:
Her: I'm going to sit with EL, okay! Bye!
Me: I thought you said you were going to alternate? You haven't spent lunch with us since you left.
Her: Well, you see, they really want me to sit there.
Me: Oh.
Her: *walks off with her usual optimism and spring in her step like nothing happened*
After that:
Me: So... are you going to sit with EL permanently?
Her (cheerful as ever): Yep!
Me: But... you said...
Her: I know, but I need to spend more time with my other friends.
Me: Oh. Can I at least come and sit over there? I want to talk to them as well. You can just act like I'm not there if you want to.
Her: ... I don't think EL would want you to be there.
Me: Oh. Okay.
So some time after those conversations, I went over to EL's table to see what was going on. Amazingly enough, TB was sitting there. Next to her like I always did, talking and doing their secretive inside joke things. I hadn't known she sat there. No wonder.
Welp, that's where we are now, with the two of them walking side by side to orchestra as I trail behind trying to be part of it while both of them treat me like a chair.
I was always worried that I would change somehow and she'd be upset because I was different. I never thought she would be the one to change and leave me behind. I wouldn't have minded if
Edited By Larkien on 2/12/2020 at 9:43 PM.
Limor
Level 72
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 7/5/2016
Threads: 293
Posts: 19,132
Posted: 4/7/2020 at 9:42 PM
Post #1570
bump :)
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