And yes, this book is where my RP characters come from. Sort of. I change stuff ;)

We also have alot of books in common ^^

"Sweet dreams." He (coos) as he stabs the flailing girl in the chest, blood splattering on the walls and floor. The girl lets out a wail as he rips out the knife, only to suddenly stab her shoulder. One of the children, a girl with brown hair that fades into dirty blond (wearing) a paper crown vomits as all the kids star in horror at the sight of their friend with blood flowing in streams down her body.

Also, maby put something in between the last 2 paragraphs, to symbolize that you are changing character perspective. Also, is in 3rd where the narrator can hear everyone's thoughts, or where they can only here one person's thoughts at a time?

If it's in parentheses, then I changed it. Good otherwise! :)

Above. I forgot to ping >.<

Could someone help me with the names? I'm TRYING not to have to many parts that are duplicate, except for fur, claw, pelt, stuff like that. Here it is, copied and pasted! There are some random letters and words for spacing, so ignore those >.< It works better on the document!
ALLEGIANCES
THUNDERCLAN
LEADER FLAMINGSTAR- bright orange tom with emerald green eyes
DEPUTY THORNTOOTH- broad shouldered dark brown tom with amber eyes
F APPRENTICE, SLATEPAW
MEDICINE CAT FERNPOND- white she-cat with brown tabby patches and brown eyes
APPRENTICE, OWLSPOTS
WARRIORS (toms and she-cats without kits)
EMBERPELT- black tom with ginger patches and dappled green eyes
DUNE- lanky sandy she-cat with blue eyes, former loner
APPRENTICE, BURNINGPAW
PANTHERFANG- long haired golden tom with doe brown eyes Jon APPRENTICE, YELLOWPAW
LIGHTNINGSLASH-amber tom with yellow eyes
ROCKCLOUD- swift thick set dappled grey tom with amber eyes
APPRENTICE, AMBERPAW
SOOTSTRIPE- white she-cat with black stripes
APPRENTICE, MOONPAW
BRIGHTEYE-white she-cat with glowing green eyes
1 OAKFROST-large tabby tom with white patches
APPRENTICE, FIRPAW
STORMSHADE- broad shouldered black tom
TAWNYNOSE- tortoiseshell she-cat with a spotted nose and bi-colored k eyes
APPRENTICE, SPARKPAW
TIGERSONG-brown tabby tom with long fur and amber eyes
PINE THAT REACHES STARS
(PINE)-tall brown tabby tom, formerly from the Tribe of Rushing hello Water
APPRENTICE, TIMBERPAW
SHININGHEART- golden she-cat with silver swirls
MISTYBREEZE- silver she-cat with darker flecks and blue eyes
APPRENTICE, SILVERPAW
SPOTTEDWING- black she-cat with white patches on her sides and s amber eyes
J APPRENTICE, DOVEPAW
BLUEDUST- blind blue tom with hazy amber eyes
APPRENTICE, SUNNYPAW
GOLDENFUR- golden tabby tom with darker flecks and brown eyes
SOFTHEART- beautiful brown eyed she-cat with a dazzling white HELLOLCDSS pelt
DAWNLARK-dappled brown she-cat with dark green eyes
K APPRENTICE, LAKEPAW
APPRENTICES OWLSPOTS- light brown tom with white spots and blue eyes
SPARKPAW-short, long furred white tom with an orange tail tip and hello front right paw
YELLOWPAW- light ginger she-cat with brown eyes
AMBERPAW-orange tabby tom with amber eyes
TIMBERPAW-brown tabby tom
DOVEPAW- white she-cat with a faint grey outline on her sides and ok brown eyes
SUNNYPAW- bright ginger she-cat with amber eyes HELLO SLATEPAW - light grey tom with darker stripes and amber eyes
LAKEPAW-dark blue tabby tom with dark brown eyes
FIRPAW-grey tom with darker patches
BURNINGPAW- vivid red tom with ice blue eyes, grand-kit of HELLO HELLeO Scourge
MOONPAW-black she-cat with a white patch around one eye, born on HELLO the night of the full moon
SILVERPAW-pure silver she-cat with deep blue eyes, born on the night HELLO of the full moon
QUEENS ICEEARS-deaf white she-cat with blue eyes
BIRCHSTONE- silver tabby she-cat with black stripes and brown eyes, o mother of Stormshades kits: Sedgekit (brown tom) and Hawkkit HELLO (brown tabby tom)
ELDERS ECHOSPOT- slick calico she-cat with different colored paws and amber o eyes
BRACKENLIGHT-brown tom with light brown eyes
SHADOWCLAN
LEADER MARSHSTAR-long haired brown tabby tom
APPRENTICE, MUDPAW
DEPUTY DARKTALON-black tom with long claws and bright orange eyes
MEDICINE CAT BLIZZARDBERRY-grey she-cat with small white splotches
WARRIORS LEAFTEAR-black she-cat with grey tabby patches, thin, sharp claws, and o bright blue eyes
APPRENTICE, LITCHENPAW
BLACKSTORM-black tom with brown eyes
APPRENTICE, BRAMBLEPAW
SCARLETCLAW-bright ginger tom with darker spots
SNAKEFROST-copper she-cat with entrancing amber eyes
APPRENTICE, WOLFPAW
RAGGEDNOSE-unkempt ginger tom
WOLFSLASH-long haired grey tom
LIZZARDBLAZE-creamy brown she-cat with burning blue eyes
APPRENTICE, FROGPAW
NIGHTPATCH-brown she-cat with large black patches on her sides hello APPRENTICE, BRINDLEPAW
CEDARFROST-brown tabby tom with deep blue eyes
SILENTFOOT-small grey tom with large copper eyes
IVYBARK- brown and white she-cat with a long tail and blue eyes
APPRENTICE, RUSSETPAW
LOUDLEAP-orange tom with bright brown eyes
APPRENTICE, ROWANPAW
CLAWEDMUD-long haired tabby tom with large stripes and amber eyes
HOLLOWCHEST-black tom with a white patch on his chest and dark HELLO amber eyes
LITTLEMASK-grey tabby tom with thin black rings around his moss SILVER colored eyes
GREYFALL- long haired grey tom with doe brown eyes
FOXGAZE-burnt orange she-cat with fox-like copper eyes
APPRENTICE, STAGPAW
FALLINGEYES-brown tom with lopsided amber eyes
1 NIGHTRUNNER-black she-cat with long legs
MUDFOOT-brown footed she-cat
DARKNEWT-dark grey she-cat with lighter grey flecks
DUSKFANG-dark grey tom with blue eyes
DEADMOUTH-mute black tom with bright yellow eyes
CROWMARK-white she-cat with blue eyes and a long scar
APPRENTICE, RAVENPAW
APPRENTICES BRAMBLEPAW- brown tom
RUSSETPAW-brown she-cat with ginger stripes
STAGPAW-light brown she-cat
RAVENPAW-black tom with orange eyes
LITCHENPAW-orange tom with brown eyes
ROWANPAW-russet tom with pale orange eyes
MUDPAW-brown tom with swampy green eyes
WOLFPAW-shaggy grey tom with amber eyes
BRINDLEPAW-tortoiseshell she-cat with yellow-green eyes
FROGPAW-brown tom with amber eyes
QUEENS SMOKEWISKER-thin grey she-cat with small green eyes, mother of hello Tigersongs kits: Blackkit (black tom with yellow eyes) and Eboneykit hello (dark grey she-cat)
ELDERS LONGTOOTH-grey tom with long teeth and brown eyes
ADDERWAVE-russet she-cat with light brown eyes
WINDCLAN
LEADER BRITTLESTAR-unkempt tabby tom with bright amber eyes
DEPUTY GRASSROOT-brown tom with white patches
APPRENTICE, MOSSYPAW
MEDICINE CAT LITTLETEAR-white she-cat with runny amber eyes
WARRIORS FLOWERFLIGHT-calico she-cat
ASPERPETAL-light grey she-cat with white paws and blue eyes
LEAFLEAP-calico she-cat with a white patch on the end of her tail and hello chest with amber eyes
SHADDEDNOSE-white tom with a black nose
APPRENTICE, ASHPAW
POPPYFERN-light brown she-cat with darker patches
APPRENTICE, LIGHTPAW
TALLEARS-long haired grey tom with large ears
APPRENTICE, FLAMEPAW
COPPERBELLY-black she-cat with a brown underside
BUMBLEWILLOW-brown she-cat with black stripes
APPRENTICE, ANTPAW
NO-PAD-brown tom with scabbed pads
WHITELEAP-white she-cat with long legs
HEATHERDUSK-black tom with brown tufts and gleaming green eyes
APPRENTICE, GORSEPAW
FINCHTALON-yellow she-cat with sharp claws
APPRENTICE, FURZEPAW
APPRENTICES ASHPAW-black tom with grey paws
RABBITPAW-white she-cat with small black spots and brown eyes
GORSEPAW-tabby tom with brown eyes
ANTPAW-brown she-cat with speckled paws
MOSSYPAW-rumpled grey she-cat
FURZEPAW- light brown tom
LIGHTPAW-ginger she-cat
QUEANS SNOWYWILLOW-long furred white she-cat with odd colored eyes
SONGLEAF-black and white she-cat with blue eyes, mother of Oakfrosts hello kits: Solekit (Calico she-cat) and Flowerkit (tan, silver, red, and orange fdddddd she-cat)
WILDBIRD-patchy white she-cat
ELDERS BRACKENLEAP-long legged brown tom
GREYMOUTH-grey tom with a silver muzzle

RIVERCLAN
LEADER PEBLESTAR-sleek grey she-cat with blue eyes
DEPUTY FIRESTREAM-blue she-cat with bright amber eyes
WARRIORS SEAFANG-blue-grey she-cat with sharp teeth
TRICKELEYE-white tom with runny amber eyes
TROUTSPLASH-silver tabby tom with darker stripes
NIGHTSTEP-white she-cat with a black spot on her front left foot
BLIZZARDGAZE-brown tom with blue eyes
WATERLEAF-grey and white she-cat
BOULDERSTREAK-white tom with a dark grey stripe
DAPPLEDSTREAM-blue she-cat with darker patches and darker blue HELLO eyes
CINDERBLAZE-light grey she-cat with amber eyes
ASHCOAT-black tom with amber eyes
SHREWSPLASH-brown tabby she-cat
LEAPORDPELT-spotted she-cat
BLUEFOOT-white she-cat with blue paws
SHRIMPWATER-creamy rose-colored she-cat
MISTFANG-white she-cat with brown eyes
SHELLCHASER-glossy ginger she-cat with blue eyes
SNOWWISKER-light grey she-cat with glowing white whiskers
MAYHAZEL-light brown she-cat
APPRENTICES SNOWPAW-tall, dark brown she-cat with white points and russet eyes
WISPERPAW-long furred silver she-cat with light blue eyes
STREAMPAW-thin, long furred silver she-cat with amber eyes and a hello white chest
SAGEPAW-mute white tom with a nick in one ear
MUDPAW-lanky brown tom with darker paws
SANDPAW-thick set she-cat with long, tan fur and no tail
WILDPAW-broad shouldered tortoiseshell she-cat
BRIGHTPAW-long furred orange tabby she-cat with yellow eyes
QUEANS LILYPETAL-bright ginger she-cat, mother of Lightningslashs kits: HELLO Featherkit (long furred grey she-cat with white front paws and chest A and Volekit (black tabby tom with a white tail tip and yellow eyes)

Ooh! I love it! Such suspense! For the part that is struck out, I suggest "Foolish little girl" or "Stupid little girl".
I also noticed that a couple times there was the same descriptive word twice in a sentence, like "brandishing the bloody knife when his bloody daughter grabs his leg" I just think it's a little repetitive, but overall, I LOVE the prologue!!

Welcome Orc!!

I like it! I saw many really cool names! Although I was wondering why you put random "hellos" everywhere XD

It was for spacing. And did you see anything I could do to fix any descriptions or names?