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Forum Index > Groups, Guilds, Clubs, and Services > Nerds United
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Author Thread Post
Theialish
Level 70
Warden of Umbra
Joined: 2/8/2019
Threads: 60
Posts: 4,986
Posted: 7/14/2020 at 7:48 AM Post #2391
and we're still talking about holes..
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,999
Posted: 7/14/2020 at 10:46 AM Post #2392
Hey, welcome back! Hope you didn't get too mny pings from us.... haha
YESSSS LET'S GO JOIN THE ONE HOLE GANG
Ooh, that was a really interesting explanation! Man, I'll probably bookmark this post in case I have any more debates about holes...
Awkwardmollusk
Level 70
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 4/30/2016
Threads: 91
Posts: 40,330
Posted: 7/14/2020 at 2:12 PM Post #2393
*slight panic*
W-we're still talking about holes??
Feradrimme
Level 28
Joined: 10/29/2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 55
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 3:57 PM Post #2394
Looks like people were a little upset about the revival of that topic. I just wanted to have a nice little rant, been a long time since Ive done that....
Well, Im glad you enjoyed that then! Ive been wanting to talk about something like that for a while. Its good to be back and a little nerdy :)
Theialish
Level 70
Warden of Umbra
Joined: 2/8/2019
Threads: 60
Posts: 4,986
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 4:01 PM Post #2395
Um, so I'm currently writing a Sylestia creepypasta.

I'm trying to make a good one, that wasn't very cliche.

Oh, and there may or may not be a Paper Mario version of it soon.

Ya'll care to review it?
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,999
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 4:32 PM Post #2396
Sure thing.
Awkwardmollusk
Level 70
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 4/30/2016
Threads: 91
Posts: 40,330
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 4:33 PM Post #2397
Paper Mario version.

Also yes.

I will review.
Edited By Goldennautilus on 7/15/2020 at 4:34 PM.
Theialish
Level 70
Warden of Umbra
Joined: 2/8/2019
Threads: 60
Posts: 4,986
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 5:09 PM Post #2398
Here's the WIP Sylestia version:

It was a cloudy summer day. Distant rumbles signaled a coming storm. People were socializing and traveling, then saying goodbye. Most people were trying to have fun in the calm before the storm. However, not everyone wanted to have fun outside. One of these people lived in the tan house at the edge of the street.

A family of four lived in this house. The father, Gordon Samson, was busy doing paperwork for his job. He worked day and night at a local power plant, which was quite tiring. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Selena Samson was cooking dinner for her kids. She was quite overprotective of the two, and expected a lot from them. The two kids, Lisa Samson and Sol Samson, were having a play fight.

"Catch me if you can!" Lisa giggled, darting across the room. She loved to pick on Sol since he was younger. Sol groaned, preparing to charge toward Lisa. He hated her constant insults, and how she was better than him. "Sol and Lisa, time for dinner!" Selene said in a calm tone. They both came out of their rooms when they heard Selene's serene voice call. Selene was more of a pacifist, preferring peaceful answers to problems. Sol preferred her over Gordon, as he was too strict. "Ew, rice AGAIN?!" Lisa cried out, giving Selene a stern look.

After dinner was done, the doorbell rang. Sol quickly ran to the door to open it, trying his best to be fast. Lisa and Selene came up to see what was going on at the doorstep. It happened to be Sol's friend Luna and her mom Moon. Also, there were two neighbors. Sol didn't recongize the neighbors, but he was happy to see Luna again. "Sol! Sol! I missed you so much!~" Luna bounced up and down in joy. Lisa grunted, murmuring something about annoying siblings. "Come on in, Moon! You too, Star and Astro!" Selene said, shaking everybody's hand. Luna eagerly pulled Sol's hand, and jumped up and down. Gordon heard the commotion, and would yell "Be quiet!" Sol impatiently asked Luna why she was so energetic.

"There's this cool new game!"

Lisa came in, pestering Sol and Luna. "Haha! How funny!" She kept saying, just to annoy the pair. Luna winced, and ran toward Sol's room. Sol cautiously followed her, until he was in his chair. "I want to show you this cool game! It's called Sylestia, and I LOVE IT!" Luna hopped around cheerfully, being her hyperactive self. Sol closed the door, and went to the website Luna had shown him. The pair worked together to create Sol's account, while the adults laughed in the background.

"There you go! By the way, my user is Luneala! Hope you have a good time!" Luna said in a hyperactive tone. Sol was confused, yet he quickly learned what to do. It was time to create his starter! Luna started blabbering about her starter, which was a pretty Aurleon. Sol tried to ignore her, as Gordon kept yelling to stop. He created a handsome Sylvorpa with pretty markings and lotus scales. Sylestia seemed pretty fun so far! Sol wanted to play more, but it was bedtime. "Luna, I need to sleep. I'll play tomorrow.." Sol said in a drowsy tone.

Sol woke up in the morning light. Strange noises had been occuring throughout the night, yet Sol slept through it. He didn't know what was going on with the noises. Lisa came in with a scowl on her face. "Sol! Wake up!" She growled. Sol tried to shoo her away, but she was too grumpy. The boy ran away from her into the living room, where Selene was just waking up. Luna, Star, and Astro weren't up yet, and it seemed oddly quiet. "Good morning, sweeties! How was your night?" Selene replied.

Sol had a strange flashback to his dream. It seemed completely random, completely bonkers. There were foxes, flower dragons, ghosts, fairies, sabertooth cats, and more! A bunch of stuff happened all at the same time. Sol just couldn't decipher the dream, it was too confusing. As soon as it had started, the flashback ended. He caught his breath, wondering what it was about.

Was it about Sylestia? Why does it exist? Am I being watched?

Soon afterward, Selene had cooked up some pancakes. Sol walked over to the table, sitting next to Luna. "Hey Sol! Are you okay?" Luna sighed, noticing Sol's disturbed expression. Lisa was eating on the other side, barking out insults. "Wow, you two are jerks! Please go away, I hate you!" Lisa screamed, making Astro shush her. Sol quickly finished his breakfast, and hopped to his room. Luna followed him the whole way to his room.

The two both got onto Sylestia, when a shocking noise echoed throughout the room. Luna screeched in pain, which annoyed Sol. He logged into his account, seeing a new pet. It was a level 66 Zolnixi named Forgotten. Luna screamed again, and Sol turned to her direction. A strange wound had appeared on her neck, and she was bleeding fast. "SOL! HELP!" Luna hollered, as she kept bleeding. Sol rushed to get the first aid kit, and returned to his room. When he got there, Luna was gone. Nothing hinted at her being killed; nothing remained.

Sol was suspicous of Forgotten, as they had appeared out of nowhere. He clicked on his starter's stall, only to see a level 0 Ryori named Gone. The Ryori was unconscious, and it had the exact same colors and element as his starter. Sol ran out of his room, trying to tell his family about it. Lisa didn't believe him whatsoever; she thought he was crazy. Selene, Astro, and Star tried to calm him down, as he explained what happened. When he got to the part about Luna's dissapearance, Astro was shocked. "My dear Luna! Where could she be?" She cried, calling out.

Sol sighed, wondering what else could happen. He returned to Sylestia, only to see a new level 0 Ryori named Forever. This was getting out of hand, who could be doing this? The noises were louder now, creating a swirling cacophony of voices. "This isn't right... Luna didn't tell me about this.." Sol said to himself. Since he had logged on, the screen was getting darker and darker.

Sol searched Luna's user, only to find nothing.

Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,999
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 5:12 PM Post #2399
Self ping
Spireofbone
Level 67
Scout
Joined: 2/15/2019
Threads: 11
Posts: 205
Posted: 7/15/2020 at 11:26 PM Post #2400
ok, so I wasn't part of the people who mentioned it first. it's a good start, but here's some stuff to work on:
- building suspense. everything feels kinda rushed? it needs a lot more filler, and maybe a bit more time with Sol playing Sylestia.
- normally, when a person talks, it goes a line down in order to make it more clear who's talking. like this:
"how's it going?" said example one
"good, how about you?" responded example two.
- try establishing where it takes place. I couldn't tell wether it was the 'real world' or Sylestia at first.
other then those points it's an interesting story!
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