Welcome!
And I won't really put in my opinion into anything that you said since I don't want to get facts or opinions wrong in it (Sorry) And also because someone already put in their opinion I believe, so mine isn't really needed much.

I would be okay to hear any opinions, if you have one.

I don't have one that would be relevant really.

oof mood

So, I'm going to preface this by saying I have PTSD related to both childhood and relationship trauma related to relationships with sexually and emotionally abusive men and a lot of religion based misogyny from my own mother, which may affect my ability to be trusting and open to the idea of sex in general (and generally just throw a huge wrench in anything relationship wise.)

It's made me question the concept of asexuality before for myself but as far as I know I've only had very fleeting instances of sexual attraction and only to women even as a child.

I'm definitely the same with guys as you. I'm dating a man currently whom I've known closely since I was a teenager but don't find myself sexually attracted to. But I don't think I've ever found a guy to be sexually attractive either. The idea actually makes my skin crawl a lot.
Like, I find them physically attractive, like it's like looking at art or something. I'm the same way with most women generally.

Although I don't find myself attracted aesthetically to non-binary folks so that at least rules out panromantic even though I can find myself aesthetically attracted to certain trans people that have transitioned (which just complicates things and I find that's a can of worms to talk about so.. I'ma not)

The odd thing though for me is that I really only feel like I can have an emotional connection with guys and I feel like I need that base level of trust and connection to even have a relationship at all.

For women, I don't exactly find myself emotionally connected to them at all outside of some low level sexual attraction on occasion to certain people that I feel I would be comfortable having sex with on a non-familiar basis.
I suspect this might be unrelated to this entirely and a PTSD issue because (I apologize if this sounds awkward/rude to say but I don't really know how else to phrase it) certain female personalities tend to trigger me, usually ones that are similar to my mother's. (Who I think is an ISFJ or ISFP if you know about MBTI)

Either way.. It's very confusing..
I know you can have sexual attraction as a demisexual but usually there is a requirement of an emotional connection someone for that to happen and I don't feel like I ever have that going on in a relationship and outside of passing attraction to random strangers, I don't even know what to call it.

Sorry if this was long ^^;

Not long at all. Quite relatable, really.

Funny, because I have PTSD as well, though it could be considered CPTSD, as nothing physical/sexual happened. However, it resulted in a lot of fear with close relationships and may be why anything sexual scares me, as it is a HUGE commitment.

I do love MBTI and psychology in general, it is currently the only job I imagine myself being happy in.

The weirdness with me is I feel more romantically inclined to guys (maybe because girls are less likely to be my type) and think about them being attractive more often than girls, which I attribute to sexuality, not romanticism. I rarely look at a girl and think she is cute. However, I am physically disgusted by sexual ideas with guys and not with girls.

I do love psychology myself, so haha. Makes this easier to talk about then. :>

C-PTSD (or DESNOS as it's really clinically known right now) and PTSD both are kind of in a weird overlap in diagnostic settings right now since C-PTSD still has yet to be really defined officially in writing as far as clinical practice goes.
I've been technically diagnosed with both since I've had a few "defined traumatic events" in my life, but I could honestly consider large portions of my life to be pretty traumatic.
But the way it's been explained to me is that C-PTSD is a more chronic, disregulated form due to a more chronic, prolonged stressor instead of a direct traumatic event. (ex: child abuse, hostage/POW situations, domestic abuse, etc)
I think it's one of those instances where the DSM-5 fails to account for actual situations and it bars people with these very similar symptom patterns from getting proper treatment. (Currently a lot of people, females especially, with C-PTSD or PTSD are getting misdiagnosed with BPD)
Thankfully it's being worked out and maybe there'll be changes made to the manual in the next few years. Because right now calling it a mess is an understatement, lol.
I'm very familiar with it either way, so no worries about semantics with me. ;>

I can definitely relate with not finding a lot of common ground with women (outside of some really nerdy lesbians ngl) and generally ruling a lot out as far as relationships go for that reason. I can definitely think a girl is cute but.. honestly most times it just ends there for me.

I don't really know at what point it would cross over to be a sexual thing for me since usually finding a girl that is my type and having sexual thoughts about one are usually entirely unrelated. Generally my romantic thoughts are separate from any kind of aesthetic attraction I might have for someone. It certainly helps to have it though.

Interestingly though is that recently I stumbled across the term gray-a which is on the asexual spectrum. I thought it was an honest load of crap at first before I looked more into what it actually was and it's basically defined as this.
Maybe it might resonate with you too in some way.

The word graysexual just makes me laugh for some reason. I do lean towards homosexual, though as there is not a word for it, I should just stop thinking excessively about it.

As for the PTSD thing, I did have a few traumatic events that could create PTSD (threat to life, threat to life of a loved one) in the relationship that caused the CPTSD. However, I have never had nightmares or flashbacks, which makes it confusing. I do also have BPD, and I feel it fits, therefore I do not think it is misdiagnosed. It was definitely a prolonged stesser (a father I lived alone with for more than five years has BPD and often acts on it quite scarily, though not often physically).

Honestly I just feel like at the end of the day, the exact "labels" matter less than how you feel personally and what you feel comfortable doing with your life. I know plenty of people who make liberal use of the Q in the acronym just to not have to explain themselves constantly, lol.
I use asexuality personally to basically describe my wonky relationship with sex and even though it may not be entirely accurate due to mental complications and compatibility biromantic comes pretty close to how I feel in terms of romantic relationships with both men and women.
Sure, the confusion will always be there on some level but I think at the heart of it, it really doesn't matter what other people think about it. Human behavior doesn't always fit into neat boxes and probably shouldn't anyways. People put way too much stock into it..

BPD is also a disorder of trauma and I've had plenty of good friends and even family with it.
It just manifests differently from PTSD. C-PTSD is closer to it, but with C-PTSD, there's no splitting into all bad or all good even if a similar level of emotional up and down is there.
If that makes sense. It's just common for the two to get confused.

I get flashbacks, nightmares (not directly of my trauma however parts of things have shown up in them, but I always get nightmares of very similar emotional themes), and periods of derealization and depersonalization where I essentially end up with tunnel vision for a few hours or completely disconnect from my body if I get triggered. I'm also generally super jumpy and flighty if I'm not just losing my temper on someone accidentally.
So ugh @_@

Yeah, it's a weird thing to figure out.
For both things though, I hope you figure out your direction forward. You have my support at any rate. ^^

I feel that way with the LGBTQ community because people are so eager to shove themselves into a stereotype that they lose who they actually are. My good friend decided she would fully go for the stereotype of a sassy, finger waving, art loving, gay preaching fanatic, and it made me wary of anyone who mentioned sexuality in a conversation, as I was worried they would try to shove me in a box.

It all boils down to me truly not caring what anyones sexuality is. Just be you and do not change yourself to fit a stereotype, especially if it is a negative one.

Thank you for talking with me. If you want to, PM me? We could continue this conversation if you would like, or anything.

Yeah.. Had plenty of experiences with both straight and LGBTQ people irl wanting me to "prove" my sexuality. Or lack of it, really.
Nevermind the folks trying to imply I'm autistic or transmasc because I don't conform to a stereotype of a gender. >_>
It's annoying and I'm honestly sick of the discourse, gatekeeping, and armchair psychologists online since all it does is divide the community.

Feel free to PM me, my inbox is always open if you want to talk about anything and might be better so I can talk a little bit more casually about all this without derailing this thread too hard or provoking anyone. ^^