writing very quickly time!
----

Zeta Reticulans muttered to themself as they made their way down the access ladders into the canyon where the service pumps for the city were located. Because of course, instead of being an engineer for a Spaceship zipping around all of Andromeda, they were stuck on this out-of-the-way backwater where the Galactic Empire couldn't even be bothered installing lifters down to the places the workers needed to go on a semi-regular basis.
"Stupid stupid stupid, could have been off working on a hyper-drive somewhere but nooo, parents didn't want me getting eaten by, by, by, giant space slugs or something in a ship, gotta take a stationary post. Yeah, that worked out..." (although to be fair to their parents, said slugs were carnivorous, voracious, and actually a lot more dangerous than the name would imply). They let go of the last rungs of the ladder and edged along the path- not nearly as well used as you'd expect given how important the pumps were- jumping at every noise from the overhanging jungle, thinking of the stories they'd heard about this place, about child-eating monsters with terrifying eyes and all sorts of crazy powers. The workers who had sent them down here had all sorts of stories, though they'd sent Zeta off to check with a "it's probably Tiny Cats again, no big deal, just a matter of shooing them off!" and then cackling. Let it be known they didn't appreciate it.

The pumps came into view, and Zeta froze, because draped over the pumps in the thin shreds of sun that made it down through Planet Gyrasha's jungle up above was "reptilians?!"
They were going to die, they were definitely going to die, because one of the two beasts swung its head around, yellow eyes fixing on their shivering form. Zeta stumbled back, sweat starting to build, tripping over themself and hitting the ground as it heaved itself up, scales and claws glinting. Zeta only had a few rudimentary work tools, never mind a proto blaster or something that would be able to stop the beast when- because it surely was a 'when' not an 'if'- it decided to come over here and eat them, which seemed all the more confirmed as it hopped down from the pump and loped over.
They were going to die they were going to die they were going to- they were lifted up by the manipulating appendaged of the beast, and... dropped back in a standing position, rather than in the reptilian's mouth where they expected. Their brain misfired.
"Newbie aintcha, look like you got lost without a star chart in there" a claw almost as long as their hand waved in front of their face, before the creature knocked a knuckle on their forehead.
"hhhhgh??!"
"Don't need to worry 'bout the pipe, scolded Cats good and proper for fiddling with it. They'll be back at it again next time whoever is watching them gets distracted by tracking the path of a new comet, of course, scolding never stopped 'em before, but they'll leave it for a bit at least"
"hhhaaaaa???"
The other reptilian, still sitting on the pump, let out a strange honking bark, and as it descended into a series of wheezing sounds Zeta realised it was laughing. It was too much, These were the terrible reptilians, nightmare story for small children, with the ability to shoot laser beams without weapons and, and...
"Ugh, is THAT one still going around? Honestly, one reptilian makes a pack of robot gnomes and lets them loose one time and suddenly everyone in the galaxy thinks we can all fire lasers out of our eyes or whatever" a huge clawed hand dragged down the bridge of its muzzle.
The reptilian that had picked Zeta up patted them on the head "'s fine, the engineers up above jus' like messing with their newbies- the pumps down here are our jurisdiction-"
"-because we're better at it than them-"
"- thank you Kett, yes, 'cause we know the things better'n them, and deal with them fine except when Cats gets their grubby claws on them to try tinkering again. Best you lose whatever nonsense wherever you came from told you about us-"
"- unless you're a space slug, but you don't look like one. Not enough slime oozing off you!-"
"- Kett please. But yes, if you aren't a slug, you aren't really very appetizing, I assure you"

--

Years later, famed Starship Engineer Zeta Reticulans finished cleaning space slime off of some dials, a rather satiated Tiny Cats by their side fiddling with something in the fuse box where the wires had been partially chewed through, and reminisced. The work here could be grueling, there was always the chance that the ship they were on would get attacked by some wayward spacebound brigands... but, they thought, it was worth it- and with their best friend alongside them, at least their parents didn't have to worry about them potentially getting eaten by giant space slugs anymore.

984 words according to gdocs


Thank you, old friend, for arriving on such short notice. Come quickly, and bar the door.

I beg of you to keep what I tell you a secret. I-

Of course. Take a seat, remove the books from the chair. Make haste.

...

What I will tell you may sound like the ravings of a madman, but, I assure you, and I implore you to believe me, what I recount is wholly the truth.

Last night I found myself in the most strange situation. Hunched over my star chart, searching for inspiration - a poet knows no sleep, my friend - I was surprised by a flash of light and an irregular sound like that of heavy bells tolling far away underwater. I had seized my paperweight and turned, ready to face an assailant, but what I saw was far from human.

Once I steadied my heart, this peculiar fellow spoke to me - spoke, I say, yet they did not truly speak. No, they 'spoke', and at once, I saw.

Tyz'jrhjk, for I believe that was their name, stole from me my spirit, and cast it into the cosmos. My room fell away, and I was turning through a vast darkness. About me spun the stars in dizzying arrays, and past me shot the sun in a streak of fire. I was hurtling through space - weightless, detached, an incorporeal observer.

A comet dashed past me, and I was accelerating, faster and faster, until the sun was but a memory, the constellations but thin white lines blurring to infinity. Planets vanished in a haze, moons bloomed and died, and the universe opened to me.

All was still. An icy chill ensconced me, and my body shivered. The planes of space extended out, simple, solid, black - chaos and order entwined into one.

I saw the nascence of civilisation on the planet Gyrasha, built by a race of intelligent beings that grew to master their land. I saw then their extinction, minds and bodies atrophying after centuries of complacency. Their violence lived on through their robot gnomes, servants made to pursue their will, and the barren land held emptiness save clashing metal and crackling electricity.

I saw the brutal tyranny of the Reticulans, a society stratified by Name. I witnessed the Zeta Reticulans usurp the Epsilon Reticulans. The Beta consumed the Alpha, just as the Sigma extinguished the Rho and the Mu destroyed the Lambda - a bloody, unending chain of rebellion and no change, claws dull and muscles torn, a constant struggle upward only to be cut down.

I saw in the great emptiness lone wanderers, with eyes empty and bones weary, those who once could have been gods, now only nobodies grasping at dust. They turned their gaze on me as I passed, making to speak, but I was too far gone, too fast, only a shadow that may have been an illusion in their solitary travels.

Past the giant space slugs of Nor whose titan bodies scattered space slime into the cosmos, billowing nebulae and supernovae as stars on their last legs blossomed into brilliant, shimmering deaths, I came across a new space where darkness glowed red.

I saw the galactic empire of Nyakov ruled by tiny cats, their influence stretching far and wide across the star systems under their control. Small and frail, what they lacked in strength they made up in ferocity - everyone knew the methods by which they conquered, smothering their enemies under layers of fur and squirming body heat, but nobody contested them.

I saw the last of the Erons, millenia gone by in a heartbeat. Their planets, long circling the unblinking reptilian eye of their fallen god, finally slowed and tumbled inward. I saw the Erons struggle, reaching out with desperate fingers. I heard them scream, setting out with their spaceships running out of fuel.

I came to us.

Spiralling past our sister Andromeda, through the dazzling clouds of the Milky Way, I saw us, yet not us. I saw previously uninhabitable planets crowded with nature, overflowing with life, then us, and everything was ablaze.

My journey slowed.

I watched ships streak past me in blinding stripes as they kicked into hyper drive, laser beams from proto blasters arriving too late to blast through their hulls. I drifted down toward our planet, our home. The oceans were on fire. The land had been sheared flat, dusted in thick ash.

My feet sank into the sea of white. The carcasses of buildings, the bleached bones of vehicles, the empty terraces and streets. A shutter swung open hollowly across from me. Grime oozed down the walls. The sky shone dark and starless, the sun a harsh red giant on the horizon.

A gust of hot wind swept by, and a charred leaf scuttled after it. Smoke rose in the air.

As if awakened from a long dream, my sense returned, and I cried out.

As I did, the world spun, a vortex of colours, sounds, and sensations twisting together. A touch alit on my shoulder, and, by instinct, I clawed at it, blinded by dizziness.

I had come back.

Tyz'jrhjk stared me in my wet eyes, their - hand? - a soothing weight. They said something more, and images burst into my mind, but I could not remember - could not comprehend.

Then my study was empty, ringing faintly of mournful bells. I collapsed in my chair. My hands shook and my pen spilled ink. I found I could not write - the memory of something greater than everything I had known was rapidly receding from my mind.

I swear I tell the truth. Do you now see why I sent for you at this hour?

...

I am fatigued beyond words. I... I cannot make sense of it. Perhaps you are right. I must have dreamt it... The night has been long-

But no, it cannot be! I know what I heard - saw.

I am a poet, no madman.

It was just another day in the life of the crew of the spaceship Gjvli, gleaming ambassador of the Galactic Empire.

"Reptilians on the starboard bow, Captain!" barked First Mate Officer Glib as the Gjvli sped towards the Planet Gyrasha, a small L-class star located in the constellation Andromeda, where the Gjvli was due to deliver much-anticipated Sudoku puzzle books from Earth.

Captain Yv'utlo didn't hesitate. Reptilians were not to be messed with. "Red Alert! This is not a drill. Release the Space Slime! Change course heading by 90 degrees." Red lights flashed as Yv'utio watched the screen apprehensively.

Vents on the starboard side of the Gjvli opened and released their slippery goo. The five clinging Reptilians began to lose their grip as the goo seeped between their winged toes. As the Gjvli turned sharply, the scaly creatures lost their battle to hang on. Suddenly they were gone, vanishing into the slipstream of the giant spaceship.

"Stand down Red Alert! Resume course to Gyrasha," the Captain ordered with some relief, as he pulled up the Star Chart on his impressivly large screen. A group of neon green triangles could now be seen, moving quickly towards the Gjvli. "Officer Huh, identify," the Captain addressed the Science officer.

"Life signs show Giant Space Slugs," Huh replied, with a slight twitch of one eye. The last time those slugs had attacked, it had taken days to get the slimy trails removed from the ship. Hanging out in Space scrubbing slime off the hull was not Huh's idea of a fun day out. "They're closing in fast, sir!" Indeed, the green triangles were homing in on the Gvjli at speed.

Glib look askance at the captain. He too recalled the snail trails none too fondly. "Should we consider going to Hyper-drive, sir?" he asked tentatively.

The Captain considered for a few microseconds. "Hyper-drive would mean diverting from our course and a subsequent delay. We have an urgent rendezvous to keep on Gyrasha, Number One. Maintain our heading towards our destination, we will deal with the slugs."

Huh and the first Mate eyed each other doubtfully. Still, orders had to be obeyed. "Aye sir!" they replied simultaneously.

Captain Yv'utio's resolve strengthened. Their mission wasn't going to be interfered with by a bunch of renegade gastropods. "Ready the Laser Beams. We'll try a diversionary tactic." Sometimes slugs could be confused by laser lights, they were, after all, quite the party animals in their spare time, so it was said. "Strobe laser beams to intercept their course!"

Red and yellow laser beams criss-crossed Space intercepting the path of the slugs, but to no avail. They were apparently wise to that old trick, and kept right on towards the Gvjli.

"Pity we don't have a disco ball canon," Yv'ulio lamented, as he decided on a new tactic. "Evasive manoeuvers, pattern 732! Brace!" This wasn't going to be pretty.

The pursued spaceship bucked and lurched as the evasion manouevers commenced, whilst officers on the Bridge grabbed the nearest thing in order to stay upright. Unfortunately Ensign Newton's normally impeccably-behaved and unflappable pet Tiny Cats that he'd purchased on a trip to Zeta Reticulans, panicked and began leaping across the control panels. There were five of the tiny beasts but their size was no indication of their ability to cause disruption and chaos.

"Engage the Proto-blaster! Fire at will!" the captain shouted over the din of caterwauling cats and the blaring red alert siren.

Several of the approaching slugs were knocked off course but a remaining few had almost reached the ship.

"We really should have deployed space lettuce traps, that would have delayed them," muttered Huh, as he mentally wrote off his newest space suit in anticipation of a slime cleaning detail.

The Captain had no choice but to resort to his final option. "Deploy the Robot Gnomes!" he yelled, as a Tiny Cat leapt onto his head and dug in its pinprick claws in painfully.

Had it been quieter, gasps would have been heard echoing on the Bridge. Nobody messes with Robot Gnomes, especially not Giant Space Slugs!

As the brightly-coloured gnomes with slightly menacing expressions homed in on the two remaining Space Slugs, the Captain watched the huge screen tensely, whilst attempting to detach a Tiny Cat nibbling on one ear lobe, whilst another began climbing up one trouser leg.

As the Robot Gnomes reached their targets, they deployed their copper lined 'arms' and grasped the slugs. Everyone knows slugs cannot bear the touch of copper, and they were immediately neutralised. The green triangles vanished off the Captain's screen.

"Stand down red alert!" the Captain cried, and as the Bridge returned to a more normal lighting situation, more than a little chaos was revealed as Ensign Newton endeavoured to regain control over his pets.

"That was quite the experience!" Huh quipped, grabbing Fluffy Pants the largest Tiny Cat and returning the tiny, squirming beast to Ensign Newton, who looked flushed and embarrassed by the whole situation.

Grizzler, the fiercest of the Tiny Cats, was still on the loose though, and no-one noticed as he sat firmly on the Hyper-drive lever, causing the Gjvli to leap forward in Space. Glib, the closest to the red lever, grabbed it and began pulling it back slowly as the entire crew once again braced themselves or more accurately, somersaulted across the floor. Finally the ship stopped. Cautiously everyone got to their feet.

"On screen!" ordered the dishevelled Captain, as all the crew's eyes turned to see what was out there. To their surprise, a most beautiful comet filled the screen, its tail magically sparkling for hundreds of miles behind it.

"Maybe today didn't turn out so badly after all!" Glib declared, petting Grizzler who half-purred, half-growled in satisfaction, as smiles formed on everyone's faces at the spectacular sight.

Written in honor of "Mother Hitton's Littul Kittons."

* * *

In the distant past, dwellers on the free planets lived in fear of the tormented tyrant Nim Rojirsom. Beset by his own inner demons, Rojirsom was not content with being king of the reptilians, but strove to conquer the entire galaxy! At the time of this story, the Zeta Reticulans were defending their world against Rojirsom's giant space slugs, but many other species strove to aid them. If Zeta Reticulus fell, their own worlds might be next.

Since laser beams had proven to be ineffective against the slugs' space slime, which destroyed living beings without harming infrastructure, researchers on a remote world at the edge of the galaxy worked to develop a better weapon. Before Rojirsom could send a second wave of slugs to Zeta Reticulus, the scientists perfected such a weapon--the proto blaster cannon. Volunteers set out in fast, agile ships to carry plans for building these cannons to the free worlds.

Volunteer Tinavako Nelreeshvat was a pacifist, personally, but nevertheless this brave anthropoid volunteered to take the plans to Zeta Reticulus in her amazing stealth racer, the Seagull. (That's the best translation I can do of the actual name. What is a 'stealth racer'? Do you want to hear this story or not?) Unfortunately, she pushed her spaceship too hard and destroyed its hyper-drive. The ship fell into normal space, but Nelreeshvat found a suitable, though uncivilized, planet on which to land for repairs. Leaving the robot gnomes to fix the drive, she went exploring, disguised as a native anthropoid.

During her explorations, she observed a very small felinoid species that had quite remarkable abilities. They could get the anthropoids to do things: feed them, protect them, cherish them. The species had the ability to aid anthropoid healing and even calm and soothe the beings. Most remarkably, Nelreeshvat found that the species had the same effects on her! This gave her a daring idea. Collecting felinoids as she traveled, she rushed back to her ship and checked the star chart.

Nim Rojirsom's capitol was on the low-gravity planet Gyrasha, which was within the range of Nelreeshvat's ship. Gyrasha was defended by half of the entire reptilian Space Corps, but Nelreeshvat noticed that a fast-moving ball of ice and dirt would orbit into the Gyrashan star system very soon and actually cross the planet's path just spinward of it! The amazing coincidence convinced her to try a desperate gamble.

The repaired Seagull blasted off, loaded to the viewports with purring, pouncing felinoids, but instead of racing toward Zeta Reticulus, the ship rendezvoused with the comet. As it plunged toward Gyrasha, Nelreeshvat concealed her ship in its brilliant, growing tail.

The Galactic Empire Space Corps saw it. No one had told them to stop comets.

With Gyrasha looming in the viewscreen, Nelreeshvat jettisoned the proto blaster plans into the comet and sent the ship screaming into the planet's atmosphere, toward the tyrant's palace. The palace defenses were designed to work against ships whose pilots hoped to be able to leave again. They couldn't stop Seagull. With its shielding, hyper-drive, and sensors blasted away, the ship hovered above the palace's inner courtyard. Rojirsom himself came out, armed with a laser so massive he could never have lifted it on any other inhabited planet than Gyrasha. He planned to dispatch this idiot pilot personally.

The Seagull creaked, one of its cargo doors fell off, and out tumbled--cats. Tiny cats, meowing as they floated slowly down in the slight gravity, their floof blowing in the breeze. Cute kittens, tumbling and trying to pounce on each other midair. Cats landed on the heads of palace guards and meowed softly. Cats explored the plaza on dainty round paws. A cat landed on a robot gnome, which went right on vacuuming the plaza. Cats bounded in delight at the very low gravity. One quite fluffy cat landed on Nim Rojirsom and looked at him with big, winsome eyes. The tyrant's laser slipped from his hands, and he touched the creature's head. It began purring.

Nelreeshvat watched as she steered her battered ship to the ground. Guards and generals were sitting down with cats, petting them, listening to them purr. She smiled. The small felinoids had an even more powerful effect on reptilians than on anthropoids!

Nim Rojirsom's war of conquest was over. He recalled all the giant space slugs and established a reserve for them in an asteroid belt. The Seagull was placed in a museum on Zeta Reticulus, and Tinavako Nelreeshvat named her new stealth racer the Tiny Cat. And the proto blaster cannon was never built--at least, not until the war against Andromeda galaxy.

But that is another story.

Once upon a time on the Planet Gyrasha there was a marvelous city, a city that knew no bounds. From the Robot Gnomes to the Zeta Reticulans, there was harmony for the entire Galactic Empire (even the Giant Space Slugs found peace in their humble Space Slime dwellings!). This harmony would not last forever though.

In the Galactic Empire of Andromeda there was trouble brewing. The Reptilians were in the collision course of a Comet and even their strongest Proto Blaster and Laser Beams could stop it. Their homes would soon be destroyed and there was no preventing this destruction. There was no other thing about it: there would be needing a new home soon.

These reptilians have turned their eyes to the Planet Gyrasha - with luck their Spaceships' would be able to use Hyper-drive and get them to Gyrasha long before the comet destroyed their civilization. Luckily for them (and not so much for the Gyrashaians) their Proto Blasters and Laser Beams would be strong enough to take out the peaceful citizens of Gyrasha. With this decision made they packed up their Star Charts (even advanced civilizations need maps) and organized their armies, ready to take on the long galactic travel.

Little did the reptilians know but Gyrasha had a secret weapon! Tiny Cats (though not seen for eons) lived in the wilds of Gyrasha ready to protect the peaceful city civilians. These tiny cats were strong fighters and using their tiny cat claws and tiny cat teeth they are able to fight off the Reptilians! The reptilians were chased off by the army of tiny cats and sent to live at the next door planet - an uncolonized planet the Reptilians had somehow not charted before.

In the end everyone had a good ending, the Gyrashaians being ever thankful to the Tiny Cats for protecting them and Reptilians in their new (although smaller) home planet.

As the lazer beams clipped the spaceship the reptilians panicked. It wasnt meant to be like this. The giant space slugs of the Zeta Reticulans regiment had chased them out of their home Planet Gyarasha. Originally Gyarasha was a planet of peace ran by the Galactic Empire. It was ran by the reptilians and the tiny cats who protected and took care of each other.

At least all was well until the giant space slugs invaded. They proceeded to cover the planet in space slime which destroyed the environment making is uninhabitable. The remaining residents consulted the star chart, loaded up some robot gnomes who were trained technicians and checked the proto blaster before flying out as quick as possible, putting the spaceship into hyper-drive.

As they were leaving the lazer beams hit the ship. The ship was functional but the gnomes got to work repairing the damage. The remaining reptilians and tiny cats watched as their planet got further and further away. Seeing a comet flying past their home planet. Their next stop was Andromeda which was said to be more peaceful and friendly than their former home.

GhostPirate 85987

The robot gnomes shot laser beams straight into the Andromeda galaxy, instantly destroying the planet Gyrasha, home of the gentle and kind space slimes. Luckily, a nearby spaceship manned by a group of tiny cats picked up as many space slimes as they could, ensuring the race wasn't completely eliminated.

However, the Galactic Empire, who sent the robot gnomes on their mission, were angered at the actions of the tiny cats, and used their proto blaster to shoot their spaceship down. The tiny cats went into hyper-drive as quickly as they could, but one of their rocket thrusters was hit by the proto blaster, sending their ship spiraling down onto the planet of the giant space slugs in the binary star system Zeta Reticuli. The slugs believed the spaceship was a comet, and were very surprised to see an unusual group of disgruntled space slimes and tiny cats. The slugs were enemies of the Galactic Empire, so they helped fix the spaceship; and to help the group out, they sent along a group of reptilians, who were stranded due to the actions of the robot gnomes.

On the spaceship, the space slimes, reptilians, and tiny cats plotted a way to fight the Galactic Empire using a star chart. They once again went into hyper-drive, and prepared their own laser beams as they quickly approached the base of the robot gnomes. The space slimes, angered about the loss of their home, turned and shot the laser beams directly at the base, completely eliminating all of the robot gnomes and greatly weakening the Galactic Empire. Distraught at this loss, the rest of the Empire's spaceships went into hyper-drive to a distant corner of the GN-z11 galaxy- and the space slimes, reptilians, and tiny cats celebrated their victory over the evil Galactic Empire.

*If "Zeta Reticuli" is unacceptable, replace it with "named Zeta Reticulans" instead.

"Greetings Earthling! How many revolutions around your sun has it been? And yet hardly anything has changed here!

Oh, Ive seen a great deal since we last met. And I have to say, we had quite a unique reminder of your world during our travels.

See, during our last visit on Earth, we were not aware but it seemed a couple of your cats had snuck on board our spaceship. When we found them, I deliberated turning around so we could return them to Earth, but they were so cute that we decided to keep them. After all, what harm could those adorable furballs do, right?

Oh my. How wrong we were.

Soon, there were tiny cats everywhere! Sleeping on our equipment, chasing the stars on our virtual star chart, knocking weapons off the shelves, including my very own Proto Blaster! Once, they even managed to set off the hyper-drive, and we almost crashed into a comet! We could not sleep in peace, our navigation systems were off, and we could barely keep the ship functioning. I was convinced at this point, that this must have been some sinister ploy you earthlings conjured, releasing this ever-multiplying furry hell on us. If we were not already way past the Andromeda Galaxy, near my home Planet Gyrasha, I would have returned and unleased my fury on Earth!

But alas, we had other things to worry about.

The Zeta Reticulans, those snake-like reptilians, with the cunning to match, they were waging war on our planet when we returned. And while our fierce warriors defended the best they could, they could not turn the battle around when they could not infiltrate the Zeta Reticulans nest, thanks to their long, narrow tunnels.

Ah, but what if we had a blessing in disguise all this time?

During the journey home, we discovered the cats had a fascination with our robot gnomes and their laser beams. They could never get enough of it. Following the gnomes, chasing after the beams, pouncing wherever the beams landed. They would follow anywhere the beams led, bringing their terror of destruction along with them.

It was genius!

All we needed to do was release the gnomes and the cats down those tunnels, and soon, the Zeta Reticulans were slithering out of their nest in confused terror! Right into the arms of our waiting warriors. It was the easiest win we had!

I have to thank you for sharing with us this gift. No wonder you earthlings have such a reputation across the Galactic Empire. No one would dare provoke you when your overlords are so fearsome. If I was as inferior and weak as you, I too would probably worship these cats as gods.

Come, now. Lets sit and have a feast, while I tell you of the tale of how your cats helped stopped the Giant Space Slugs from engulfing the moons with their space slime!"

Planet Gyrasha is situated in the Zeta Reticulans star system in the Andromeda Galaxy. It used to be the peaceful center of a galactic empire, co-ruled by robot gnomes (or rogno), a species of Giant spaces slugs, and a newly arrived race of sapient purple reptilians, who had come from a distant galaxy on their hyper-drive spaceships, following a star chart the rognos had delivered on one of their exploratory ftl voyages.

Everything changed however, when a strange comet hit Gyrasha, covering wide parts of it in scintillating space slime. Out of this slime emerged hundred of thousands of tiny cats, armed to the teeth with proto blasters and shooting laser beams from their eyes. It did not help that they were adorable. What did help was that all they wanted was chin scratches and treats and for their every whim to be catered to.

Which was the reason Tyz'jrhjk had come here, after all. Humans had been cats obedient servants for centuries, and the empire wished to observe us and learn from our ways. They were stunned to discover that cats on earth did not wield weapons other than fangs and teeth, and yet humans served them anyway.

"Oh, but you see, its not like that, we dont serve cats, they are just pets", one human, who wished to remain anonymous, told Tyz'jrhjk, while petting the cat on their lap. They had not gotten up from their seat in hours, so as to not disturb the cat, even though they had needed to use the bathroom for a while.

"But your home has been rearranged with expensive furnishings and playthings for felines. You clean up after them and feed them. There are millions of films and pictures of cats on your information hyperspace. Clearly all your culture revolves around them too."

"Oh", the human laughed, "but not because we have to! Its because we love cats."

Disturbed, Tyz'jrhjk left earth, jars of cookies stored away on their ship. This was even worse than laser beams and proton blasters. The cats of earth had apparently mastered mind-control!

This is a recount of Tyz'jrhjk and their crew's space adventure. I can't say for sure how much of it is true or exaggerated but I believe their tale, and this is how it went:

A few months ago, their spaceship was floating on standby in the Andromeda galaxy. Things were normal at first, just the usual routine. But that was until their alarms blared. Their systems caught a distress signal at an seemingly undiscovered location on the star chart. Uncertain of the dangers and risk, their curiosity won out and they initiated hyper-drive. It wasn't until they arrived that they discovered it was a planet, a planet that had been cloaked from the radar and would have remained hidden if it weren't for the signal. They later came to know the planet as Planet Gyrasha. With caution, they set coordinates for landing and approached atmosphere.

When they landed they found that the planet was nothing short of spectacular with its constant comet showers that streaked the skies, bioluminescent waters, desert sands that shimmered an array of colors like Earth's polar lights, and what looked like crystallized formations of trees. They exited the ship and made their way to the signal's location within the vast desert.

Traversing the shimmering desert they came across what they at first had identified to be space slime in the near distance, however, this slime was different. As they approached they noticed the slime undulating and mirroring the shimmering colors of the sand, until they neared the slime and it took on a humanoid shape, one similar to Tyz'jrhjk. When they spoke to the slime and inquired whether it was the one that sent the distress signal, the slime spoke back to them fluently in their own language. It was astonishing. The slime explained that alien reptilians of a galactic empire had conquered and settled on their planet, enslaving the inhabitants that is similar to what is known to outworlders as "giant space slugs" and using them as resources, after finding out that what they are comprised of may be the most versatile, powerful, and in turn, valuable matter in the universe. The slime before them was also a part of their race, and it sent the signal out for assistance in freeing its people and chase out the reptilian empire. Tyz'jrhjk agreed to help, their crew ready to set off while the slime stayed in a safe location, however the slime insisted it be brought along with them. Before Tyz'jrhjk could insist otherwise, the sand around the slime in a small circular vicinity began to shift and rise. The sand began to take solid shape of what looked to be a horde of tiny cats, their bodies shimmering with an array of colors like the sand, and the slime again insisted to be brought along. It said it had been denied once before, by Zeta Reticulans, who had responded to the distress signal first. They did not succeed. And so, Tyz'jrhjk reluctantly allowed the slime and its minions of tiny cats to join them on their mission.

A disaster, that's what Tyz'jrhjk had expected to happen when they infiltrated the empire's base with a space slime and tiny cats made of sand, both of which had been shimmering different colors earlier. But to their surprise they were very, very wrong. Stealth had been no problem, thanks to a few of the shifting tiny cats that scouted on ahead, blending into whatever surface they touched, and leading them safely to wherever they needed to go. It wasn't until they found the first group of slugs that trouble began and the anticipated battle started. Blasters were drawn and lasers zipped through the air on both sides. The slime and its minions were unbelievably impressive in battle. The tiny cats were capable of various things. Some expanded themselves into monstrous size, devouring its reptilian enemies with its massive maw, and the others siphoned the enemy lasers and retaliated by firing concentrated laser beams from its mouth. The slime utilized the stealthy cats abilities to distract and immobilize enemies as the slime closed in and finished them. As the group pressed further and further into the base, freeing countless more slugs, the battle became much more difficult. Nearing what they hoped would be the end, what should have been the location of the leader's command center, one final line of defense blocked their path. A troop of robot gnomes marched toward them and within mere moments Tyz'jrhjk and the others were overpowered. During those moments of desperation that the slime began to realize, began to freeze in battle with sheer anguish. It realized the robots were created and powered by the use of its people, the matter they were comprised of, which made the robots much more agile and powerful. And the realization squeezed the slime's heart, its very soul, like a vice grip until it shattered. But as a last ditch effort Tyz'jrhjk brought out their ace; a special proto blaster they would only use in emergencies like this. With skillful use and the help of their team, they was able to finally defeat the robot troop and hopefully brought the souls to rest. In the end, Tyz'jrhjk and their group were able to chase the remaining of the empire out.

The slime and its people were grateful for Tyz'jrhjk and their crew's assistance, telling them before parting ways, they were always welcome to visit Planet Gyrasha and call upon them for aid should they need it. Then finally, as Tyz'jrhjk made it back to their ship and were about to take off into hyper-drive, they could have sworn the seemingly crystallized formation of trees swayed and shifted as if the formations were showing them gratitude, on behalf of the planet itself, for what they had done and wished them safe travels. It was something Tyz'jrhjk could sense more than anything, something they felt very humbled by.


That was the end of Tyz'jrhjk's tale.