Hello! I wanted to let you know Kiwi is taking a break from Sylestia. She asked me irl to tell everyone here she was taking a break from the site. She has asked me to post her stories when she writes them down here for her, so I will. Anyways just wanted to let everyone know! She said this thread would still be open and stuff. Hopefully I pinged you all, still a little new to all this!

I will! I'm not exactly sure what a TH code is, but I'm sure she'll understand!

Hey! Kiwi gave me the first part of her story! She said she couldn't think of a way to start so skipped ahead a bit. Open to thoughts and ideas!


New edited but not so edited version

Isa watched the full moon above her glimmer in the sky. She has sneaked out to her favorite place, the woods. It calmed her in a way, knowing that life still went on. She smiled, standing up as she reached up, as if trying to touch the moon.
"Are you trying to touch it," Shadow asked as he landed behind her, making her jump in surprise.
"Yeah, maybe," Isa admitted, turning around to look at him.
He was in his 'special' form, as her mother called it. He was huge, towering over her by about a foot or two. He had an animal like face, with horns on his head. He had two big eyes and a cat like nose. His mouth appeared much like a humans, but filled with sharp teeth. His body was like that of a human, just a bit bigger. He had claws at the end of his fingers. He stood on his tip toes on his back feet, only making him bigger. He had a long dragon like tail and a pair of dragon wings. He was also covered in eyes, all over. They where more smaller and cat like, glowing a light purple color. He had spikes down his back or she had thought so, her mother had said they where teeth. His stomach, from his chest to about half way down his tail, was a mouth. A huge, scary one. The main mouth of this form, which was called a Shadow Stalker.
"I can give you a lift," Shadow teased, yanking Isa out of her thoughts.
"I can do it myself," She huffed, though she and Shadow both knew she couldn't, not yet anyway.
"I'd like to see you try."
"I will! I get to transform today, pretty soon actually!"
Shadow smirked, staring at the moon above them before stepping forward and picking up Isa with his tail. Isa yelped, but let him carry her as he took off into the sky. His scales felt smooth against her hands and he held her gently, as if afraid he might hurt her. The wind ruffled her hair, blowing some strands into her face until all she could see was her white hair. She pushed it out of her face so she could see. The huge pine forest stretched under her, far below her. She could see the mountains, the place she and her family lived. It was covered in a layer of snow, which only looked more dazzling under the moonlight. She looked ahead, where she could see the forest clear to reveal a huge black rock that both stood out and blend in. The Obsidian Rock. Shadow glided down before gently placing Isa on the ground, which was covered in a layer of frost. It crunched under her feet as she stepped forward and placed a hand on the huge igneous rock in front of her. It was smooth and cool under her hand.
"I always liked the feeling," Her mother said wistfully as she landed beside her, quickly changing to her human form.
She beamed, nodding in agreement as she hugged her mother. She enjoyed the moment, trying not to get lost in her whirl of thoughts. Her mom pulled away first, looking up at the stars. Isa turned to look at the group of teenagers that where here for the same thing, to unlock their second form.
"Love you mom! See you later Shadow," She proclaimed as she went over to the group of teens, waving good bye.
Her mom watched her go, Shadow turning and taking off into the air. Isa felt a bit off in the group, her white hair standing out in the sea off dark colored hair. Maybe, just maybe, she could prove she was one of them.

If you weren't planning on having anything happen before this, it can start just like you have it! Is "in his 'special' form" what you meant to write or did you want it spelled 'speciel' like it is written at the moment? 'Covered in eyes' and 'all over his body' in the paragraph describing Shadow seems to be repetitive. If 'the Obsidian rock' is a proper noun, rock should be capitalized, making it 'the Obsidian Rock'. I really like it! I'd love to read more. ^w^ Whenever you have it, of course. No rush.

Thank you for the input! She fixed it a bit, so I'll put the edited version up above. She does have more, she was just waiting to see if anyone was reading, so I'll post the next part up shortly! She was planning to add something else, she said it would help explain spirits, Shadow Jumpers and... I guess I shouldn't ruin the surprise. Anyways thanks again for giving her advice!

The Next Part! She told me that she knows words are repeated a bit but said she'll come back and re-write some parts once she's finished the whole book. But if you have any suggestions or spelling corrections feel free to tell me!


She waited for awhile, watching the moon slowly rise in the sky, little by little. It felt like forever.
"We can start," A voice proclaimed, cutting the silence like a knife.
She glanced towards the voice, quickly spotting the person who was talking. It was a man that looked to be in his late 30's, with brown hair and gleaming red eyes. He was wearing a simple black suit and a pair of polished black dress shoes.
"Really? What do we do," One of the teenagers asked impatiently, excitement clear.
"Everyone find a place under the moon. Give lots of space for everyone, you don't want to accidently hit someone with a wing or tail," The man advised as everyone broke away to find a place.
Isa looked around, finding a patch of grass not to far away. She ran over, patting the grass before sitting down. She could feel the wind ruffle her hair again, as if teasing her. It was quiet again, the silence calming. She closed her eyes, folding her legs as she took a deep breathe of the cool, crisp air.
"Now, everyone listen up! I want you to close your eyes and just enjoy the moment," The man stated, though Isa was barely listening.
It's nice, She reflected, letting her thoughts wander, To be here. To just have a moment to relax and just breathe. I should do this more often.
"Just relax and when your ready, imagine yourself. Then, imagine your power slowly taking form. Visualize what you will look like and then let yourself take form."
Isa nodded, imagining herself, just a normal person. She thought of her soul, an orb of white, glowing and pulsing with life. Then, it spreading, coming into form. A Shadow Stalker, a crisp white skin, a pair of blue eyes. Then she was spreading her wings, the wings she would have and taking off into the sky. She felt a cold sensation fill her, starting in her chest and spreading through her. It wasn't a shocking cold, but a nice feeling, like the first day of winter. She slowly opened her eyes, feeling the cold sensation fade a bit, but still there. She looked at the others, they where all in their special form. Some darker colors, some lighter. But they all looked similar. She looked at the grass, alarmed to see a thick layer of frost around her. Then she glanced at her hands and held back a gasp. Her hands looked normal, with claws at the end of her fingers. Her skin was a pale white blue color, a lot like someone who was very cold looked like. Her skin lacked the eyes everyone else had and she knew, even without looking that she did not have wings or a tail. She reached back anyways, touching empty air where her wings should have been. She stood up in a hurry, holding back panic as she touched her head. Hair. No horns. She took an uneasy step back, feeling the man's eyes watch her. He muttered something, which she made out to be 'spirit', whatever that was.

Username: Kittyauthor

Pinglist?: Sure

Genre of writing?: Anything, really, but will mostly share fanfic.

Are you here to improve your writing skills or to Criticize?: Both

Extra (anything else you want to say): Hello, Lark!

Link: https://www.sylestia.com/forums/?thread=93680&page=6#52 Author: Kiwi14 Time Posted: 11/13/2020 at 12:17 PM First thing to say; =3. I appreciate that you took the time to fix all the errors and the sentence structure. I don't know why you think it would come off as rude, to me it wasn't rude, actually the opposite in fact. Thank you for the compliments *dies from compliments* I'm glad people like my writing =3. There is only one thing I did not agree with... this... comma that in front of and... what have you done xD? Ok, I'll leave before my mushy brain decides to write something else weird (I have a cold and brain no work xD)

My replies a bit late, but would you mind possibly copying and pasting the part that confused you / that you disagreed with. Hopefully I could better explain what I meant if I knew which part you were reffering to. And I hope you've gotten over your cold since ^^

Link: https://www.sylestia.com/forums/?thread=93680&page=6#53 Author: Kiwi14 Time Posted: 11/13/2020 at 12:25 PM I like the story! I'm sadly not the best at critiquing... but one sentance made me laugh, though I'm not sure why xD. "Gulping down her fear of the night" < This made me laugh, because all I could think of her swallowing the night and being all like "yum, very good". I know this isn't helpful but I had to say it xD. Other then finding that very funny I do like the rest of it! A very good story! Anyways I'll leave now *jumps out window*

Also a late reply lol. Thank you for your compliments, it's nice to know you enjoyed the story ^^ I actually wasn't quite sure how to word that line so I eventually gave up and just left it as is.
By adding that one line in, I was hoping to let the reader know that Mara is scared of night. She isn't afraid of the dark, but instead she fears the night itself. Highlighting that fear ahead of time was supposed to show the reader just how scared she is after losing her eyes. I tried to portray that fear with the corresponding sentence at the end where it says "what was left was darkness, an everlasting night."