A thread for my short stories.

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Bringing Home the Baby (complete, page 1)
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Soltra8

Bringing Home the Baby
Characters: Lily, Yale, Sierra, Little (human avatar)

Another long day of hunting had gone without anything to show for it, and Yale, a male Vulnyx, trotted miserably back to the shack with his human master, Little, through rain and mud. When they finally made it inside, Yale gave himself a heavy shake to get rid of most of the water and mud, then curled up to lick himself by the fireplace. A few of the other Sylesties were gathered around, some cleaning themselves, some sleeping, others engaging in idle conversation with each other. All of that stopped, however, once another Sylestie burst in through the small flap on the front door, holding something in its mouth.

The Sylestie was a female Zolnixi named Lilly, and she was Yale's hunting partner well, she was supposed to be Yale's hunting partner. In the middle of the hunt, though, she'd burst off into the bushes, and through the rain, Yale had lost her scent. Upon seeing her, the human Little gave a few surprised, yet happy, sounds, leaning down to pet Lilly. Her curled tail wagged happily, before she deposited the bundle she was carrying in her mouth at Little's feet.

"Did you find any food?" Yale asked gruffly, getting to his paws and walking over to her. Lilly shook her head.

"No, there wasn't anything to find," Lilly replied, but she motioned towards her paws. But I did find...her.

What she was motioning to was a tiny female Vulnyx, no more than a few days old. She was shivering, and her fur was plastered to her body. She looked like she hadn't been fed properly for days, as all of her ribs were visible, along with her spine. The poor thing was pitiful, but Yale's pointed ears flicked back against his head in dismay.

"We can't keep her." Although the human was making cooing noises at the baby, Yale picked her up by the scruff and started to trot towards the door flap, growling, ignoring Little's calls to stop. He only stopped when Lilly jumped in front of him, tail lashing.

"Hey, hey! Put her down!" The baby had started to mewl and squeal in protest, wriggling around in Yale's grip. Around her fur, he muttered,

"Lilly, we barely have enough to feed ourselves--" He was cut off as one of the little one's paws hooked him in the nose, scratching it and causing a steady stream of blood to start to flow down his muzzle. This caused him to drop her, and she ran to Lilly's side, hiding behind her front legs. Lifting a paw, Yale rubbed at the wound, hissing irritably. "She scratched me!"

"Because you were being mean." Lilly stuck her tongue out at the older male, before leaning down to lick the baby encouragingly. "It's alright, you're safe now. Yale has a bad temper, but he means well."

"I do not have a bad temper," the Vulnyx grumbled, but he slunk off to rest in his corner as the human yelled at him, likely for trying to take the baby away. Lilly presented the baby to Little again proudly, letting him pick her up and examine her. She'd need a good bath, and many good meals, but she'd make a good addition to the family.

And so, despite Yale's protests, little Sierra became the newest member of the Sylestie family.

Will do, thanks for reading!

This is a really good story but I have one question for you:
Is this your own original voice or someone else's? Great if it is your own, but the voice here feels kinda familiar, as if I've read it before. I feel as if a lot of other writers write in this style. Great plot and story but I think you should try to expand your boundaries a little and experiment with gaining some originality.
Sorry if this sounded mean, harsh or rude. I swear it isn't supposed to be mean, just advice. And if you do not agree with me, it's okay. You can ignore it. It's ultimately left up to the writer anyway.

I really enjoyed your rich descriptions, and how you painted a clear visual image as to what is going on. I could clearly see each character and the scenery and environment that they reside in. Keep up the good work!
I'm so excited to see what you write next!

I wrote this really quick, so this isn't really the best example of my talents x-x but thanks for the critique!

actually how old are you? It helps to know a writer's age to determine what advice to give and what advice not to give. Such as if you are five years old (Don't worry, I know you're not) I wouldn't have said what I said before.

I'm gonna be 17 tomorrow xD I can take harsh critique. I've been writing since I was like...five.

Ok, thanks for the info. I'm 14 so if my writing sounds am-mature, that's why.

Oh yeah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!